its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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