matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
3 2 1 whiskey
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
