I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
