Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
