Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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