White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
