Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
