Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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