Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
