i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
