Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
