my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
