He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just gift wrapped bread.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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