Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
