and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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