I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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