I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
