Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
