i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
