Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
