The maid of honor just puked.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
