Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
