all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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