I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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