I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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