This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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