The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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