Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
