then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
