I will die if light touches me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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