yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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