We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
