I'm jealous of your bromance
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
