I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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