I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
