haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
