As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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