im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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