apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
