Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
