i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
