I can't breathe out the right side of my face
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
