You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
