so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
