I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
