Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
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I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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