my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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