Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We are two peas in an std pod
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
