Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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