I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
