i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
