she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
