I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
