remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
