the condom got lost in my hair
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
