Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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