no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
