Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How naked do you want me to be?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
