I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
