we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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