Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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