Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
