Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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