It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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